Wow! I haven't written since February 15 and we are now going on June. It is crazy how quickly time passes you by when life is busy.
I hate not writing as often. I have always found a release in my blogs , journals and crafting, but sometimes the many strings of life are pulling me a thousand different directions and those things are neglected.
I am now a full-time student , full-time employee & full-time momma. How do other women do this? Because I have yet to get the hang of things!
I went back to work a week before Amelia's first birthday, which has been heart wrenching and rewarding all at the same time. I love being back in the work force, I have always loved to work, but then I think about the 9 hours she spends with my grandmother vs. the 5 hours she spends with me each day. That doesn't seem right to me and I don't see this lasting much longer. I love my grandmother, and other than Ryan, there is nobody I would rather spend that time with Amelia than her. However, that is my baby!
It makes my skin crawl thinking about the first few times Amelia would do something I had never seen before, while she was there. My heart would sink every time. Grammy was so proud of her and just raved to me about it when I came to pick her up. Lord knows I couldn't handle that and we made an agreement to leave all of those cute little firsts out of discussion. As far as I am concerned, she is learning and developing all day long, but not faster than I can keep up with. Maybe that is a little selfish, but I truly want her to develop, learn and grow as much as she can (in a healthy way of course) , I just want to be present for all of it! Maybe it isn't realistic, but a woman can dream, right?
Aside from the typical momma drama, going back to work has been okay. I love how excited I am to see Amelia when I get home. I don't get frustrated nearly as easily if she wants to play for hours and hours, because the time I do have with her has become so precious. And we are still nursing! yay ! I was convinced I was going to have to give it up, and was so distraught about how she (and I, both) would handle it. Thankfully, I am working for a company that has been extremely close to my family for years, so they are very understanding, and I go home and nurse her at lunch. Amelia never has to go more than 4 hours without momma and I couldn't have asked for it to work out more beautifully! The Lord truly pulled things together there.
I am done with classes for the semester and I am ready to really get into gear for next semester. I am beyond ready to finish this degree and .... still work. ugh . Hopefully not for long. Isn't it funny how our lives revolve around work, whether we know it or not. Ryan and I are working on a solution for that.
So Amelia Flower is unbelievably big. She had her first birthday May 3! I can't believe it has been a year since my little flower was born. I know every parent says this, but I can remember delivery like it was yesterday. It will forever be the most precious moment in my life. I have a photo of Amelia, only a few minutes old, on my desk at work. While I see the ornery little toddler she has become everyday, this is how I see her in my mind, still. Perfect. Precious. Pure. I am so eternally grateful for the Lord creating me as a woman, if only to have experienced giving life. What happens to you when that life is born is truly indescribable. I never fathomed the overwhelming emotions that would take over every inch of my being.
I know I talk about the sappy mom emotions on just about every post, but what is so funny is that it is never part of my plan for a blog. I start thinking about Amelia and bam! there comes the sentimental overflow.
Ryan took Gina (his mom), Amelia and I to the beach for Mother's Day this year. I was so excited for her to feel the sand between her toes and see the ocean. The trip down was exhausting! Amelia was an angel, when she was asleep, which wasn't much. She was absolutely livid. Made for a great 6 hour drive, turned 10. We arrived at the condo and of course she is wired tight and making laps .... for hours. Thankfully, Ryan stayed up with her until she was ready for bed, so I could catch a little sleep.
When she saw the ocean for the first time, she went straight after it. The water would splash her, and she zoomed as fast as she could toward the waves , grinning ear to ear. Love her adventurous spirit! She is her mother's child.
The day before Mother's Day, she took her first steps! I thank God that he had me ready with my video camera to capture it! I was so unbelievably proud of my toddler! I swear she walked 2 miles over the course of our trip. But man, once she hit one, a whole new attitude took over. Miss Independent is now , not only independent, but demanding, headstrong and fearless. We have our work cut out for us.
Amelia, at some point the third night, crawled out of bed, literally backed her little booty over the edge and put her feet down, crawled through a pitch black condo into Gina's room, into her bathroom and played in her makeup. It wasn't until the bathroom light hit her face that she saw the little culprit sitting pretty in the bathroom floor. . . . All this was done without waking momma. I have a little Houdini. Lovely.
Needless to say, we had an incredible vacation! I am so blessed, to not only have a sweet baby girl, but to have such a loving and supportive family and an amazing man by my side to help me raise her. Lord knows she is a handful already.
**Pictures of our beach trip are soon to follow! =]
