Friday, August 28, 2015

I am woman.

I've been searching for a place to start.

Maybe not a place, rather a time.
Now feels as right as any.

Now feels perfect.

I am rocking (violently as my husband describes it) my newborn and extending my fingers to their limit to reach the keyboard, resting on the side table. You should see the jumbled mess I create before editing.

My chin rests against a cheek. The softest skin I have ever known. The patterned breath of a newborn physically... literally... slows my heart. I can breathe.

When my little flower was born, I found myself. I felt real for the first time. There was no question as to who or what I was supposed to me. She broke every rigid shield I had built around me. Every callous, softened. Every thorn was worn smooth. I'll never be able to thank her as there truly are no words.

I became so much more than a mother.

With all of  my seldom seen vulnerability exposed,  a strength, stranger than any other grew inside me. Strong. Fierce. Powerful. Brave. Mighty.

Soft. Sensitive. Discerning. Understanding.

How it could feel like all of these things is beyond me.

Motherhood is so ... crazy.
Something happens in your heart of hearts that cannot be explained. You just change. Everything you once were or once thought is gone. Nothing you have ever been before matters.

Maybe I am speculating here and I know God does this with all his creations. . . but, Imagine His reaction when he created woman. He saw that is was good.
I know he cannot be taken by surprise but I love to imagine his reaction to woman as something engulfed with pride. "This is a wonderful creation".

He created a body from a single rib. A body with a mind far different than any other creature on this earth. Think about your instincts as a woman (I use the term woman to mean whatever it means to you. Single. Married. Mother. Aunt. Sister. Wife.  Whatever it means to you!!) and the way your brain  functions. Your intuition. Your emotions. Your weaknesses. Your strengths.  It blows my mind!!
There is no doubt in my mind that these things were intentional to the core.

In the midst of all of this greatness, I feel predisposed to defeat.
I am incredibly blessed with a husband (YES! I got married since my last blogpost!! .. to a man who was literally created as my other half. I am sure of it) who works hard to allow me to raise our children (YES! We had another baby! A beautiful boy who shares a birthday with his big sister!) all day everyday.

As a woman, I've always felt confident as a mother. I've always know this was my strong suit... this was my calling as a woman. How can I be blindsided by all of the thoughts that challenge this part of my identity?!

My house is never clean, I can't catch up. I am filled with guilt because my little flower asks me to play and I'm too busy trying to catch up on last weeks laundry. The baby is crying and I'm nursing him to the 600th time today.. I haven't brushed my hair or showered in 2 days and I am sure my husband has noticed. Dinner isn't even on my radar and its 5pm. Supermom on Facebook is physically building a house, hand-making all of their clothes, and teaching her 6 young children calculus in her spare time (I can't even handle 2). I yelled at my flower for making a mess with her toys and  I am stifling her from all that she is supposed to be. My husband is the only person I have to call when I need a seed of sanity (which is a whole different side of guilt within its self, but that's for a different post). I know you are adding to this list as you read and changing it based on your role in your home.
But ... this^^ this up here  is what I look like.

I go back to our talk about God creating woman. I am a creation far too great to feel defeated. I was not created to fail or to feel mediocre. I was created to be GREAT, to be capable of things far bigger than my own understanding. Don't mistake this for me saying that you need to be and are capable of being the woman who has it all together with a perfectly clean house, well-behaved children, homeschool and pinterest "wins" in every room. Our views of successful "womaning" all look different because...

We are all so different. Our children are all different...
God is the only constant in our lives and I don't believe he created us inequal or inadequate. He didn't give some of us the gift of "all that is woman" and left the other to the wolves.
We are all great. We are all unique. We are all perfect.

The only thing we should be striving for is laying our head down at night and thinking, " I was a better woman today than I was yesterday".
I challenge myself, first, and all of you to do just that. Pick something important to your journey today and strive to  lay your head on the pillow tonight,  knowing that you gave it your best shot.
Tonight, I will lay down my head knowing my house is a mess and I will be glad and rejoice in it ... because, I will have been a better mother than I was this morning. I will hold my son and make sure, without a doubt, that he knows he is loved more than a pile of laundry. He will hear who our Almighty Creator is, and he will know that a man, by the name of Jesus, died just for him!

 I will lay my head down proud of the woman I am and the woman I will become tomorrow.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Listening When There Are No Words

I am fighting a battle with myself over this silly idea I had to start a blog and track the journey of motherhood. I am so unbelievably angry with myself for allowing the negligence that has recently occurred in this realm. I am angry with myself for not remembering all of the little things that have occurred the past few months since I wrote last. I am angry with myself for EVER thinking that missing a day of documenting Amelia's life was "no big deal" . I am angry with myself for the moment that I am in right now; trying to remember moments in time that have long passed.

As a mother, I feel so completely suppressed. I am constantly forced to think that the emotions I feel are not "normal". They are habits that need to be broken.
People are constantly giving you advice on how to be a better parent, aka make your job easier:
We generalize children and motherhood like they are an object; all the same.

"Your baby is supposed to sleep through the night in her crib. Never let her sleep with you or she will NEVER sleep alone."
"If you feel like she is too far away and you want to feel closer, that's just a habit of motherhood you have to break. This is what's best for her.... Leave her where she is"
"You are going to feel like you need to pick her up, but by no means actually do it!"
"If she cries, let her put herself back to sleep or she never will!"
"You may think she sounds scared but she's not , she's just being manipulative! By no means should you go in and relieve her from this fake sound of fear."
"Stick to a strict schedule for naps and meal times, or she will never learn to be on a schedule. You will never have freedom."
"You may think she isn't hungry because she isn't eating, but she is and you must force her to eat at ____ o'clock on the dot. Oh and at ____ o'clock, even if she isn't sleepy you need to force her to lay down for a nap."
"Wow , you are still breastfeeding because you feel like its the right thing to do? You and baby both enjoy that bond and she has showed no signs of choosing to stop? You better nip that in the bud or you'll be breastfeeding when she is 30."

.. the list never seems to end

Let me say this.

Amelia has slept with her skin on mine since she was born, not only when she cries, but every night! She falls asleep nursing, unless Ryan walks her to sleep out in the cool night air. If she wakes up in the middle of the night, the first thing she says is "momma". She doesn't scream "momma" she doesn't frantically search for me, scared that I won't come to her rescue because . . . I am laying right there beside her with my hand on her warm little cheek to comfort her, she can hear my heart beat as she has every night of her life,  to let her know that all is well in her world. Momma will always be an arms length away when the lights are out and the house is still.
Isn't it human nature to be a little afraid of what you cannot see?
I find it completely cruel and unfair to try and force a child to "get used" to being in the dark alone, when as an adult, I am still a little uneasy in the dark.

She will tell me when she is ready to sleep in her own bed. She will tell me when she is ready to stop nursing. She will tell me when she is ready to do whatever it may be.
By teaching her that she can trust me I am teaching her that ,when she is ready, she can trust me when I tell her something is okay to do on her own. She will gain her independence as she grows and as she matures. When she is ready ....

We don't give them enough credit. Children are incredibly smart. We need to help them through their journey of maturation but we shouldn't be forcing them to do things just because "all the other kids do".
What good comes from forcing something to happen that wasn't ready to happen on its own?
... my guess would be nothing.

One of  the patterns I have found in life is the chaos that occurs when someone experiences something they were not ready for. Think about exposure to violence (whether it be fictional or domestic in the home), sexuality (associated with "women" that young girls pick up on extremely young) ,  intimate relationships, foul language, parents exposing their children to money troubles or putting them in the middle of a divorce ... and the list goes on.

Just think about it. Maybe these aren't applicable to my toddler at this very moment, but the same idea applies.

I'm not saying that it is wrong to have a different style and approach to parenting. Some children do great sleeping alone from the time they were infants.
My point is . . . why do we ever treat children like they are all the same? Human nature gives them immeasurable similarities .... but they aren't manufactured  . . . they are conceived and hand-molded by God himself. Each of them special, unique, different.

Why do we feel like we can't "listen" to our children , even before they can talk.
They know what they want and need better than we do.

I am trying to do a better job at just listening to my little flower.
Sometimes when I am having a rough day because she is being a complete crab apple, I have to give myself a little pep-talk and recognize ..... she is the one having a rough day.

I'm not belittling the fact that parents have rough days ,too , because they happen. Bratty and disobedient behavior happens. Discipline is necessary and appropriate.

But take a step back and figure out what exactly it is that they are doing. Are they crying because they are mad that they can't have what they want. OR are they crying because they are upset you took away the sock they were chewing on because their teeth hurt.  Are they shredding paper to get under your skin, or are they tearing up paper because it something new they discovered and they thinks its neat to make 10000 tiny pieces from 1 big piece. Is she writing on the wall with her marker because she knows you are the one that has to scrub it off, or does she think the marks she is making are pretty and colorful and just wants to put them everywhere!? Is it really that big of a deal? Learn the difference for yourself and then teach them the difference.

While all of it is frustrating for parents, why teach them that behavior? Why expose them to frustration, aside from alleviating them of their own.

By no means am I saying let your toddler do whatever they want to do. There is a point where they begin to recognize what is acceptable and what isn't. Instill discipline. Let them know who is boss.... but I refuse to believe we were placed in their lives to dictate.

Let them learn. Let them grow. Let them play. Let them feel. Let them talk. Let them think. Let them eat with their fingers. Let them explore.

Teach them manners. Teach them patience, Teach them kindness. Teach them to listen. Teach them to trust. Teach them to love. Teach by example.

Help them do all of these things by being these things for them.

We too often focus on what they are supposed to be doing based on what would make OUR lives easier.

So, until she is comfortable sleeping in her own bed all night, she will sleep in mine. Until she is ready to stop nursing, we will nurse. Until she understands that what she is doing is wrong, I will continue to patiently explain it to her. I will discipline her when she does something she knows is wrong. I will love her unconditionally and show her that unconditional love. I will hold her when she is scared. I will teach her about the things she shows interest in. I will show her manners. I will show her respect. I will talk to her but most importantly I will listen to her.

Thank you for showing me these things, my little flower. Thank you for teaching me how to love, how to (try to) have patience, how to listen even when there are no words, how to slow down, how to live.

I love you more than the moon loves the stars.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Playing Some "Catch-Up"

    Wow! I haven't written since February 15 and we are now going on June. It is crazy how quickly time passes you by when life is busy.
     I hate not writing as often. I have always found a release in my blogs , journals and crafting, but sometimes the many strings of life are pulling me a thousand different directions and those things are neglected.
     I am now a full-time student , full-time employee & full-time momma. How do other women do this? Because I have yet to get the hang of things!
     I went back to work a week before Amelia's first birthday, which has been heart wrenching and rewarding all at the same time. I love being back in the work force, I have always loved to work, but then I think about the 9 hours she spends with my grandmother vs. the 5 hours she spends with me each day. That doesn't seem right to me and I don't see this lasting much longer. I love my grandmother, and other than Ryan, there is nobody I would rather spend that time with Amelia than her. However, that is my baby!
     It makes my skin crawl thinking about the first few times Amelia would do something I had never seen before, while she was there. My heart would sink every time. Grammy was so proud of her and just raved to me about it when I came to pick her up. Lord knows I couldn't handle that and we made an agreement to leave all of those cute little firsts out of discussion. As far as I am concerned, she is learning and developing all day long, but not faster than I can keep up with.  Maybe that is a little selfish, but I truly want her to develop, learn and grow as much as she can (in a healthy way of course) , I just want to be present for all of it! Maybe it isn't realistic, but a woman can dream, right?

     Aside from the typical momma drama, going back to work has been okay. I love how excited I am to see Amelia when I get home. I don't get frustrated  nearly as easily if she wants to play for hours and hours, because the time I do have with her has become so precious. And we are still nursing! yay ! I was convinced I was going to have to give it up, and was so distraught about how she (and I, both) would handle it. Thankfully, I am working for a company that has been extremely close to my family for years, so they are very understanding, and I go home and nurse her at lunch. Amelia never has to go more than 4 hours without momma and I couldn't have asked for it to work out more beautifully! The Lord truly pulled things together there.
     I am done with classes for the semester and I am ready to really get into gear for next semester. I am beyond ready to finish this degree and .... still work. ugh . Hopefully not for long. Isn't it funny how our lives revolve around work, whether we know it or not. Ryan and I are working on a solution for that.

     So Amelia Flower is unbelievably big. She had her first birthday May 3! I can't believe it has been a year since my little flower was born. I know every parent says this, but I can remember delivery like it was yesterday. It will forever be the most precious moment in my life. I have a photo of Amelia, only a few minutes old, on my desk at work. While I see the ornery little toddler she has become everyday, this is how I see her in my mind, still. Perfect. Precious. Pure. I am so eternally grateful for the Lord creating me as a woman, if only to have experienced giving life. What happens to you when that life is born is truly indescribable. I never fathomed the overwhelming emotions that would take over every inch of my being.
I know I talk about the sappy mom emotions on just about every post, but what is so funny is that it is never part of my plan for a blog. I start thinking about Amelia and bam! there comes the sentimental overflow.

     Ryan took Gina (his mom), Amelia and I to the beach for Mother's Day this year. I was so excited for her to feel the sand between her toes and see the ocean. The trip down was exhausting! Amelia was an angel, when she was asleep, which wasn't much. She was absolutely livid. Made for a great 6 hour drive, turned 10. We arrived at the condo and of course she is wired tight and making laps .... for hours. Thankfully, Ryan stayed up with her until she was ready for bed, so I could catch a little sleep.
     When she saw the ocean for the first time, she went straight after it. The water would splash her, and she zoomed as fast as she could toward the waves , grinning ear to ear. Love her adventurous spirit! She is her mother's child.
     The day before Mother's Day, she took her first steps! I thank God that he had me ready with my video camera to capture it! I was so unbelievably proud of my toddler! I swear she walked 2 miles over the course of our trip. But man, once she hit one, a whole new attitude took over. Miss Independent is now , not only independent, but demanding, headstrong and fearless. We have our work cut out for us.
Amelia, at some point the third night, crawled out of bed, literally backed her little booty over the edge and put her feet down, crawled through a pitch black condo into Gina's room, into her bathroom and played in her makeup. It wasn't until the bathroom light hit her face that she saw the little culprit sitting pretty in the bathroom floor. . . . All this was done without waking momma. I have a little Houdini. Lovely.
     Needless to say, we had an incredible vacation! I am so blessed, to not only have a sweet baby girl, but to have such a loving and supportive family and an amazing man by my side to help me raise her. Lord knows she is a handful already.

**Pictures of our beach trip are soon to follow! =]



Friday, February 15, 2013

For the love of my baby.

     For the first time, 2 nights ago, I let Amelia put herself to sleep. Since she was born, I have always snuggled her warm little body as close as I could, and nursed her off into dreamland. I felt so naked sleeping without her.  While I absolutely love being so close to her, she is almost 10 months old and Momma would love to have time to get a few things done in the evenings, without being forced to go to bed with A every night. It is such a bitter-sweet feeling as I sit here on the couch watching her sleep, peacefully, on the monitor. I know it is rather selfish but the thought of her not needing me to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep is a little heart wrenching. She will always need me . . . right?!

This feeling has come all too soon. 

Tonight marks night two, and rather than sobbing herself to sleep after 45 minutes, she simply sat and played until she was ready to pass out. And by pass out . . . I mean pass out in the, fall over because she can no longer hold her body up and lose consciousness in a mere second, sort of way  It was rather painless.  I am currently still fighting the urge to barge upstairs into her room and scoop her up into my arms, forcing her to snuggle up for my mom-ego's sake. 

I remember mothers telling me how wonderful the smell of a newborn baby's head is. They would go on and on about this phantom scent that they couldn't really explain. To be quite honest, I thought they were beyond insane.Guess what?!  I can still smell it strong as the day she was born, and there is absolutely nothing like it. It is a smell that you could never describe, never replicate, never share outside of mother and child. As I laid her in her crib tonight, I hugged her precious little body and kissed her head, remembering the smell I had taken for granted the past few months. Trying to breathe it in again, I found its absence. My heart sank, a lump grew heavier in my throat and my nose and eyes burned with a strong desire to cry. 

I read book after book preparing me for what was about to come at every stage of her development . . . Even with the many things I have had to learn via experience, I have never felt that I didn't have a grip on the situation. But nothing  and I mean nothing could ever prepare my heart for the overwhelming joy and sadness it would encounter during her development. 

Our entire lives, we have been told that women are just more emotional than men. While I absolutely  agree, the emotions that run through me as a result of mothering a life are not even open to being justified as "hormonal" or "emotional". The feeling you get when you see the face of your child for the first time, nourish their little bodies with only what God has provided and seeing them grow as a result of it, feel them "hug" you back for the first time, see them smile, watch them play, learn , engage, cry, hurt, want, need, love, touch, taste, feel . . . . it originates from the bottom of your heart. It is the essence of your being. There is not a single doubt that the Lord sent me to this world to be a mother, first and foremost.

I can never repay God for the most wonderful blessing and gift I have ever received, but I cannot wait to thank Him, every day, for the rest of my life, by living and raising my children for Him. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Where's my baby?

Foreword: I am the most unorganized and eclectic writer so prepare yourself for me to jump all over the page in this one. So many thoughts have been consuming me for days and unfortunately for you, there is absolutely no rhyme or reason for this trainwreck of a blog. Enjoy!

Little Flower is 9 months old as of the 3rd. 

While she is still considered an infant, I no longer look at her as a baby. She is maturing and growing so rapidly that I now see a child; a beautiful, intelligent, loving, headstrong little girl.
Where is MY BABY!?!?!
She has been replaced with a child that can roam around.freely, entertaining herself for hours. She reads picture books, turning each page without a single tear. I see her study just about everything she comes in contact with. She wants to know its purpose, and how it works.
She is no longer as interested in the wrapper, but more so in how to open it and examine what is inside.
The snack containers have been mastered as you can see . . .

She is crawling at the speed of lightening and will be walking , I am guessing, within the month. She has stood up (unassisted) several times, but falls once she realizes she is solo. She is a tough kid, let me tell you what. Momma aint raisin' no wimp. Of course I would never let her fall in a situation where I know she could get hurt. With that said, she bonks herself pretty frequently (as with any mobile child) and, IF she cries, it is only a quick second until I let her know everything is alright..
I am extremely nurturing. I practice attachment parenting and am all about skin-to-skin care, being her rescuer, calming every tear . . . but I refuse to have a 5 year old who has a meltdown when she scuffs a knee on the playground. No sir.

Her big thing right now is sharing. well . . . kind of. She shares all of her snacks with Zuki (our dog) and she absolutely doesn't mind at all. Whether it be a snack or a toy, she extends it to her neighbor, occasionally actually handing it over, but the majority of the time she keeps a firm grip and takes it back before you even have a chance. Regardless of the outcome, she gives the biggest smile you have ever seen. I guess it is the thought that counts.
While I stress how incredibly sweet and loving Amelia is, Ryan and I have deemed her the bully child  (we have even given her an alter-ego as well). She is a big smile-er, but nothing makes her smile more than when she is "beating the love" into someone.  The child literally cackles at the reaction she gets from her (assisted) karate kicks and judo chops. I used to think it was so adorable and cute. I am no longer fooled. Kid packs a punch that you can hear across the house. I entirely believe that she has no idea she causing literal physical harm, but I have seen stars on several occasions. Oy.
I have always been anti-TV. I thought it was a horrible, brain rotting box most commonly used as a baby sitter for lazy parents. Wrong. It is a God-send for sane parents. That thirty minutes in the morning that she is actively interacting with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is my saving grace. It is the designated "hot coffee" time-slot, considering it always gets cold before i have a chance to drink it every other time. Anyhow, it is surprisingly educational and she is picking things up from the show already! It is unreal to see her completely drop EVERYTHING she is doing when the Hotdog Song comes on. She immediately puts all her attention to Mickey and dances her little heart out.
Flower has some rhythm! Every time she hears music of any kind, on television, Ryan playing his guitar, basketball games, church, in the car... you better believe  she is a dancing machine and smiling like no other. I always play the radio during bath time and when she is out of the tub, that naked little butt is gone and groovin'!
Hands down the cutest thing on the planet!

Amelia's vocabulary is getting broader. She mimmicks different laughs and coughs, says momma, nana (nursey), bye-bye, bubba, hello, yellow, paw-paw, Jada (dayda), pop-pop (popsicle) & apple. There have been a few others that she has said once or twice, but I don't think she actually knows what they mean yet.
She loves her pop-pop's, Bub gave her a little lick of a fruit Popsicle a few weeks ago when she was teething and it became a bonding ritual for them I think. They were gone to Florida for a week and when they got home, first thing , he and Amelia are back to sharing their popsicles.
She has six pearly whites and two more just below the surface. I think we have a week or two for these, considering she has been a complete angel the past few days.

I have never been so attached and in love with something as I am with being a mother. Everyday is such an incredible and unique adventure and  I thank God for such a surreal blessing. The changes my life has seen the past few years is such a reminder of how incredible change is.  I see so many changes coming and am welcoming each with open arms.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Mildly Selfish Momma Moments.

Before I became a blog writer, I was an avid blog reader. Still am. I love the 'put it all out on the table' type of stuff and I so desperately wish I could be one of those women. . . Alas I am not, but I've got some ideas (stay tuned for that train wreck)!
Anywho. I recently read a blog in which a woman wrote about all of the fabulously selfish moments of motherhood. I laughed until I cried, mostly because it was all so true (even though I would never publicly admit it . . . until now)!!!
I'll be honest . . . I think I am a pretty awesome mom. Could I be better? Sure! Couldn't we all? I love reading/writing about the deep, heartfelt, 'tug at your heart strings' momma moments, but is that honestly all there is to it? Now , let me say that I deeply love and cherish every moment with my child, and every cheesy line comes from the bottom of my heart. . . but mommas can be selfish, too!

So here are mine. The most insane, ridiculously shallow and selfish moments of my short career.

1. I breastfeed.

I have been moderately passionate about breasfeeding from the start. I think it is a true gift from God to equip women with an ability to nourish their child. The bond you build, the health-benefits they reap . . . etc  . . . It is incomparable to anything else and it truly brings me joy. Now, with that being said, let's get to the nitty gritty.
As a fellow blogger wrote, "Why would I opt out of something that burns 500-800 calories while I sit on my butt, watch cartoons and eat all the chocolate in sight... all while snuggling my baby?" I used to love going to the gym! Now, I chase a baby energizer bunny on steroids around the house all day. Gym? Probably not. I am smaller than I was pre-pregnancy and I eat a row of oreos on the regular. I think I'll keep it up.
I can calm a fussy baby at any moment or time. No guesswork necessary. As long as she isn't hurt, it doesn't matter what is wrong, a little nursey and she is good to go. No colic, no screaming baby for hours on end, little trouble getting her to bed . . . It sells itself right there.
When going out of the house, I can't forget my breasts. I forget diapers, wipes, toys, snacks, snot suckers and everything else under the sun, at least, once a week. I can handle just about (I am going to emphasize just about )  any situation without those things, with the exception of a total blow out,  as long as she has her nursey. The fewer things to remember the better, considering the complete jumble my brain has become.

2. I don't have to be your friend anymore.
There are so many people that I genuinely didn't need in my life, simply because they weren't healthy friendships, but I didn't have the heart to just walk away. When you have a baby, they don't want to be your friend anymore anyway. I'm not enough fun for them anymore.  See ya later. Little do they know that when they call because they need a ridiculous favor, or want you to go out on the town and you say, "I'm sorry I can't, I have the baby." , you have the freedom to hang up and make the most ridiculous noises you never dreamed of making,  crawling around on the floor like a wild animal, listening to the sweetest most sincere cackle from your boring, fun sucking child. =]

3. I watch Disney all day everyday.
Amelia is obsessed with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and I love it! I think it is the cutest show, and it's educational! Also, I really don't enjoy movies made for adults. It's always violent or scary or sad, and you always end up with a heavy heart at the end because of all the cursing and vulgarity. Enter baby. Violent, scary, inappropriate movies are no longer allowed =] You want to socialize? We will gladly switch on some old school Disney movies and laugh until we cry because they are genuinely funny, clean  and happy! And at the end of the day, who can't use a little more laughter and clean humor in their lives?

4.I can drink as much coffee as I want.
"Wow! Why do you drink so much coffee? You know that's not healthy" You want to know why?  I'm a mom. That's all it takes. That is all you have to say and whoever asked you that potentially suicidal question will back down . . . immediately! No explanation needed =]

5. I spend more time with the people I love.
When all is said and done, the only people that really stick around often are the people that love you and your children. So in other words, family. Everyone else just kind of fades away and guess what? It's awesome! I have so much more fun acting like a complete goob around people that already love me, and they act just as silly! I laugh so much more with those people than I ever have with anyone else, and Amelia has the time of her life.  Not to mention, I get a break from lugging around the ol' big booty Judy!

6. I get an escape, anytime, anyplace.
I get an escape during the annoying family gatherings that last 12 hours and I never see my baby, the lady in the supermarket that wants to keep pinching her fat little thighs or any other situation that irritates me to no end. When momma says baby is hungry or over-stimulated (which is actually true sometimes) that means you hand her over and we go find a private, quiet room to nurse while momma checks Facebook/Twitter and collects herself for another round with the crowd.

7. You are forced to take more naps.
When you nurse a sweet little innocent baby to sleep, you can't very well put her down. So what do you do? Take a nap with her of course. Happy momma makes a happy baby right? (I hope that is actually justifiable haha) I have so many other things that i should be doing but .... I don't =]

 Needless to say, motherhood is the most selfless thing you will ever do! You literally give everything you were and everything you are, to your child. And honestly, its wonderful. People talk about sacrifices but I've not been face-to-face with something I consider a sacrifice I had to make because of my flower. I thoroughly enjoy every result of her existence.

But . . . there are definitely some perks and more than a few mildly selfish momma moments.

Monday, January 21, 2013


Little Amelia Flower is dreaming in her crib as we speak, and all I can do is reflect on the abundance of recent firsts. It is such a bitter-sweet emotion, knowing that your baby is learning and developing so wonderfully. I feel selfish even considering wasting a wish on freezing time, but it goes by much quicker than I  am comfortable with. Every first is so incredibly joyous . . . until Momma Bear remembers that it will soon fade into a memory . . .

*pause* wait for the waterworks.

Everyday brings a new first. Some far less exciting for you to read about so . . .

I'll share some of my favorites . . .

Any and all sturdy objects are now subject to be used as a pull-up station. And that is no joke. She can't stand up enough! Fortunately for us, we caught her on video midst a strenuous squat routine. Amelia would pull herself up at the table and squat down to the floor, then back up again. Very quickly at first, but as she progressed she moved a little slower, paired with a grunt/cry/whine. I think it's safe to say she could feel the burn.

Amelia is quite the actress. After a long week of colds and coughs . . . I was becoming a little worried that my symptoms had subsided and hers had not. Come to find out, every time Mommy coughed , so did A. Matter of fact, anytime anyone coughed, it was followed with the most precious, yet entirely pathetic cough you have ever heard! I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard! Now we are at a place where I can say, "Amelia, are you sick?" ... and here it comes.

Just in time for football season, Amelia began sticking both of her arms straight up in the air. TOUCHDOWN!! It's been several months since we learned this trick, but she has learned to do it on command and thinks she is the cutest thing in town.

My personal favorite is the kiss. Initially I showed her how to kiss "the baby" in the mirror, and she caught on  rather quick. Now it has evolved to her kissing EVERYTHING, open mouth and tongue out . . . I love it, slobber and all.